Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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