but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
