my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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