Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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