there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
