There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
