Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
