I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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