I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize