y did u give ur computer a hand job?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
