Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
