last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
