you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
