I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sober January is a disaster.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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