I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
