they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
