So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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