sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
