I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
