I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
