she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
