Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
