I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
