Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
