he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
