He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
