Three words: puerto rican gang bang
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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