dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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