Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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