So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
