Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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