is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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