i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
