Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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