I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
