I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Found your dick twin last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
