Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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