btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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