My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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