I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
