youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
