i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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