i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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