Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
