I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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