i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
