The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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