I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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