This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
