I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
