my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
