I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
