You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
