overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
