Already got asked if we're dating
Who wears a wallet chain?!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
