I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
