yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
