I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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