I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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