"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
