I'm going to jail i love you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
