Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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