It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
