OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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