We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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