Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
