Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
