Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
