Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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