I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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