its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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